PSA: The Price of Addiction

I received this today and thought I should share it all with you. Please look for signs of addiction in the lives of your loved ones:

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.


Today I learned the horrible price that addiction can cost. Addiction is a silent, sometimes unknown disease that can affect the stranger on the corner, or even worse, someone in your own family...

Today, we learned that our son Jason is an addict...

I blame myself mostly. When he was only a few months old he was crying non-stop. Nothing seemed to help. Not the bottle, or the passy, not even "Barney." I did the only thing an inexperienced father like myself could do. I put candy in his mouth, specifically a Dum-Dum. I should have noticed the immediate change in behavior and the calming effect that it had on him. All I could think about was the fact that he was not crying.

This happened from time to time without me thinking about it. Shannon was not aware of how frequently I was doing it or she would have intervened.

At first it was Dum-Dums but like all seemingly innocent experiments, it lead the way to other candy. Hershey Kisses, Milky Ways and things like that. They all had the same effect, but they were even more powerful as we kept introducing new candies.

We finally found his candy of choice when we gave him Resse's Cups. They were magical to him. The smooth, velvety peanut butter mixed with the sweet, delicate chocolate took him to new places he had never been. We would pass them in the store and he would ask for them every time. We knew it was wrong but we often caved in. We just wanted what every parent wants for their child; for them to be happy.

Soon regular Reese's Cups weren't enough. He started to try other things; Reese's Crunch cereal, Reese's Minis, Reese's Eggs, and he even tried Reese's in brownies.

We noticed a problem when he would sneak off to another room and come back with the smell of peanut butter and chocolate emanating from his mouth. We would ask him what he was doing but always the same answer, "Nothing!"

We ignored the problem and thought that by ignoring it that it would correct itself. How wrong we were...

Today Jason went upstairs to him room during a time he would normally be down watching his show. He was quiet at first. But like a slowly accelerating jet he built momentum until he was non-stop and running around the house.

He was chasing the cats, riding the dogs, shooting all of his Nerf guns at once. He ran down the stairs, then up the stairs and back and forth and back and forth. We caught a glimpse of the blur that was Jason at one point and our attention was brought to his mouth. By the time we saw it we were too late.

Jason had chocolate around his mouth.

We went to his room and began searching high and low. Shannon called out to me that she thought she saw something under Jason's bed. Knowing that I am way too big to fit under the bed, this was the perfect hiding spot for Jason. Shannon got a flashlight and shined it into the dark recesses of the bed. We saw what we were afraid we would see... the shiny orange and brown wrappers. Jason had been hiding a secret stash since Halloween...

As I type this Jason is still not down from his high yet, and he is currently on the toilet experiencing a side effect of the Reese's Cups.

I want to remind you all that addiction is a bad thing. It will destroy your family and friendships. It will come between brothers and sisters. It will leave you broken physically and mentally, and you will turn in to a shell on the inside, waiting to get your next fix.

I pray that none of you ever have to go through what we are going through now.

Insurance industries play Santa Claus to S.C. politics

CHARLESTON, SC - As Tim Scott prepares to upgrade from his position as a Lowcountry congressman to a U.S. Senator, he, as well as other S.C. politicians, should be thanking insurance industries this Christmas.

According to the National Institute on Money in State Politics, insurance industries in the state of S.C. have contributed almost half a million dollars to state politics.

Half a million dollars seems a bit extreme considering S.C. politics oftentimes serves as comic relief in the political world.

Yet insurance industries seem to relish in the destruction that is S.C. politics, only falling behind actual political parties and candidates themselves in the race of who can waste contribute the most money.

However, insurance industries aren't insuring the financial stability of all political parties equally.  It seems as though they're wrapping up their financial gifts with red wrapping paper peppered with tiny elephants.

After all, Republicans are notorious for their extravagance in the financial department.  They have better sports cars, larger mansions and a fleet of sailboats that must be insured on top of their political careers.

Blue Cross/Blue Shield leads the insurance world as they gave roughly 80% of their funds to Republican candidates.

But it's the Tea Party who should be the most grateful for insurance industries and their lobbyists in their expensive and attractive suits.  Gov. Nikki Haley was graciously given over three times what her Democratic opponent Vincent Sheheen was awarded when she ran for governor two years ago.

But should Republicans take this money blindly?  With more money coming in, doesn't that mean that they have more damages that need repairing?

Maybe they just shouldn't look the gift horse (or Aflac duck) in the mouth.

Former governor Mark Sanford to run for congress

CHARLESTON, SC - Apparently Mark Sanford has had enough time hiding in the Appalachian trail. The former governor has begun prepping for his comeback to politics and is planning his announcement to run for Tim Scott's vacant congressional seat in 2013.


In 2009, Sanford's political career and national prominence was quickly rising. The South Carolina governor was even rumored to be a contender for the 2012 Republican nominee for the Presidency. However, Mark decided to follow his heart and libido to Argentina to be with his mistress, Maria Belen Chapur. Chapur, a journalist, has been described by Sanford as his "soulmate."

Gross.

Sanford was noted missing after his abrupt departure to Argentina to be with Chapur. His staff made a press release that he was hiking in the Appalachian trail to relieve some stress. This statement lead to a wild goose chase searching for the governor that eventually uncovered his infidelity. This prompted Mrs. Sanford to file for divorce and both retreat into seclusion. For the past four years both have been quiet and out of the news until now, as both Mark and Jenny are considering a campaign for office.

Though Mrs. Sanford is not as certain as her ex-husband on a political campaign, her interest has sparked many positive responses. Jenny was noted for her elegance and grace during the scandal, especially considering how the incident not only rocked her family but thrust them into the national spotlight. Jenny was also on Nikki Haley's list of contenders for the vacant senate seat, which was given to Charleston native Tim Scott this past week.

Though Sanford has held this seat in the late 1990's and has excellent credentials, he left a bad taste in the mouths of many South Carolinians. And one Argentinian...

The primary will most likely be held in March, which gives South Carolinians plenty of time to chew the fat on our opinions of Mark Sanford. Have they changed? Do we still think he is an incompetent scumbag? Has he had enough time to figure out some changes? We'll just have to wait and see.

Local adult toy store boasts record sales due to Mayan prediction

NORTH CHARLESTON, SC - Preparations for the end of the world range from buying guns and defense equipment to stocking up on Twinkies. For one local business these preparations have helped them post record breaking profits.

Generation X is an adult themed retail store that promises to deliver satisfaction. With the end of the world at hand it seems that more and more adults are looking for a distraction with satisfaction in mind.

95SX radio personality and Generation X spokesperson Kelly G often holds events at Generation X for a variety of themes including holidays, DVD releases and new product releases.

"We usually try to hold a themed party when we know it will catch a lot of interest from the public so we can invite people who may have never come to enjoy the comfortable atmosphere to broaden their horizons," Kelly G said. "With the end of the world, we never thought bedroom activities would be on everyone's mind."

Based on the packed parking lot, crowded store and sales figures that is not the case.

"It is the end of the world dude! I bought some special beads, something that my woman can wear to use on me and some pretty awesome and cheap DVD's," an anonymous shopper revealed. "We are going to do things tonight that we never would do just to say we could before the world ended!"

"It blows my mind what people are buying today. You try not to label people but when you see a little old lady walk out with an S and M outfit it makes you wonder," Kelly G said. "I even saw former governor Mark Sanford in here and asking where they kept the hiking gear."

A married shopper who asked to be identified as Large Richard Johnson said, "I have been married for 12 years and have been asking for my wife to let me explore other areas of her body. If I would have known all it would take was the apocalypse to make that possible then I would have prayed for this sooner."

Mr. Johnson's shopping cart revealed small condoms, warming foot lotion and what can only be described as a horse tail.

You can go to Generation X on Cross County Rd in North Charleston now to ensure you are not sweating to the oldies at midnight when the world ends.  

Area counselor opens center for victims of local wars

NORTH CHARLESTON, SC - Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is classified as a type of anxiety disorder that can occur after a person witnessed or experienced an event that involved the threat of injury or death, according to Wikipedia.

Most Americans associate PTSD with the ongoing war in the Middle East or the stresses of being a public servant. What they don't realize is that it affects people in the Lowcountry every weekend.

Paintball Charleston is one of the area's biggest locations to play paintball and draws in more than 150 participants a day. While it starts out as a fun way to spend a day it can turn in to a nightmare for others in the blink of an eye.

First time paintball player Walter Pawn thought that playing paintball with his sons would be a way to let out frustration and give his sons a chance to be the ones doing the punishing for a change.

"I heard about paintball and immediately thought it would be a legal way to abuse my kids and also give them the chance to hit me with one or two shots," Pawn said. "instead it turned out to be the worst decision of my life, other than actually bringing those boys in to the world."

Pawn compared the day with his sons to that of a modern war movie where the aggressor is violently overthrown.

"They ganged up on me and would not let up. I was obviously hit once but they kept shooting and attacking," Pawn described. "I felt as if I was slipping away slowly and painfully. I blacked out at one point and then began to see a white light come towards me."

Since that day Pawn has experienced flashbacks that cause him to be unable to move. He also is unable to be around paint of any kind which led him to remodel his whole house to be in a bare state with no pain on any surface he is near.

Doctor Raymond Noodle is an area psychiatrist working with Pawn to help overcome these issues.

"It is going to be a long process and a hard road to recovery but in the end he will be a stronger person for it," Noodle said. "It makes you wonder how many people experience these problems but are scared to tell anyone for fear of being mocked and made fun of."

Dr. Noodle plans to set up a paintball crisis center focusing on the traumatic stress induced by the sport.  He plans on the center opening in the middle of March in a building that will be across the street from Paintball Charleston.

"The senseless acts of violence that occur in paintball must end. Sadly the popularity of the sport is rising and we are hearing of more and more instances of PTSD," Dr. Noodle said. "Together we can ensure that the struggles that these men and women face reliving their paintball wars are not as traumatic."

If you feel you or someone you know is experiencing signs of PTSD, please call a local mental health facility near you.

Shootings in Connecticut

I had planned to do a piece on PTSD in the Lowcountry today but feel it would be in poor taste to the recent happenings in Connecticut.

I am a father of two young boys and what has happened today is sickening and something I cannot begin to imagine understanding or wrapping my head around. On one hand I feel that my job as someone who tries to be funny is to distract from the reality that the world we live in can be sickening and sad. I actually started this site because I was tired of hearing about murders every day, and decided I needed to find a way to allow local residents a way to escape that reality, one post at a time.

On the other hand, how do I begin to try to write anything satirical when all I can think of is what if this were my children's friends or their school, or even them? How do I begin to try to distract away from something so horrible that in a matter of minutes the whole world knows about it?

How can I distract any parent from the feeling that the one place they thought they could send their kids to be safe has been taken away from them. Understand that this is an isolated incident,  but any school can one day become the "isolated incident."

Many hearts are broken right now as so many families were unwillingly torn apart by the coward who decided to do this. Many children will be scarred for life because of this event, and all we can do is sit back and watch and pray and hope that there is some sort of comfort our tweets, facebook statuses and articles can provide us with.

So as someone who thinks I am immune to most feelings when I can just replace them with comedy, I apologize for not being able to help distract today. 

Let me ask a few things from anyone who reads this today. Hug your kids today and explain what happened. Take this time to think of others who have it worse than you do, such as the families that just lost a loved one, and who will now associate Christmas time with sorrow. Don't scare your children by making the world out to be a horrible place full of horrible people.

And more importantly, do not make a celebrity out of a murderous coward. Don't put his face all over the news, don't type his name in any statuses, don't tweet about his background and upbringing. Instead, replace his name with "coward, murderer," whatever name you like. Do not allow people who do horrible things to become more famous than the police, firemen, doctors, EMS personnel, military members etc who do so much for America. Once you do that, it empowers people and takes away from the people we need to celebrate; the kids who are now gone and the families that are left to pick up the pieces. Instead focus your energy and time and messages to the world for them so they can get support, letters, etc from America. Don't waste your time or ours with any coverage of  some cowardly freak who was too much of a wuss to deal with the issues life gave him like a man.

Maybe I will feel better about posting something later, but until then, I apologize.

BP

Students to receive college credit for Facebook stalking

NEWBERRY, SC - Procrastinators, rejoice. Starting next fall, Newberry College will offer an undergraduate major in social media.

Yes, you read that correctly. Social media. Imagine bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend home to meet your family and they proudly state, “I’m majoring in Facebook, with a minor in Twitter.” They’ll go far in life.

Tania Sosiak, an associate professor of graphic design and social media at the college commented that the program is “one of the first interdisciplinary majors in social media.” The program track will include various concentrations of graphic design, communications, business and marketing, psychology and statistics. In layman’s terms, classes will include Stalking 101, Benefits of Foursquare 211 and a thesis on hashtag placement.

Many are on the fence about this new sensationalized major. Brenda Thompson of Summerville believes it a waste of time. Thompson is currently aiding her child through her sophomore year of college. “I’m not paying for my child to sit around on her computer stalking attractive boys all day. She can do that in her spare time,” said the overbearing mother.

Townes Prescott, a junior at the University of South Carolina feels more positive about the major. “I’m thrilled about the concept. I think that the business and marketing world is evolving, and we as students must be ready to adapt to the change,” Prescott said. “Also, can you imagine the blonde babes in that class?”

Is this the new popular major to choose? Would it not be better to just stick to a business degree? Only time will tell. For now, maybe we should use social media for its original and intentional reasons. To complain, stalk and make fun of acquaintances.